Sunday, May 25, 2008

To Do List Sale

I had something I wanted to post this weekend. I'd written it, it was perfect, and then I lost it. So, instead of just not posting anything this weekend, I posted this. Consider this a "Best of" post. It's from my old blog, from a long time ago. But I still like it, and I still feel this way.

I can't sleep. I find odd things to do when I can't sleep. One of my favorites is to watch infomercials. Especially the ones that want to make your breasts bigger. Wow, how awesome, yes please, double D just isn't big enough for me. I want to be so top-heavy that I can't walk in a straight line.

What is it about watching infomercials that I love so much, I have to wonder. I mean, everyone has to love eating potato chips while watching Tony Little sweat on his latest exercise machine, but those blenders? There's just no explanation. And those sewing kits! The ones that you just press one little button, and instantly, you have a dress to wear to the Grammy's. I love it! Just keep me away for the diet pill ads. Those are boring. And make feel fat.

The only good infomercials are 30 minutes long though. Those two minute ones that are now playing among the regular commercials, puh-lease, like you're really going to convince me that your dog-training video will work in a minute and thirty seconds. No, I need a full half-hour of bullshit first.

If they made two-hour infomercials and played them at movie theaters, I'd probably go see them. I wouldn't pay more than two bucks to see them, I'm that stupid, but it'd be great. In fact, I think someone should make that movie. And that someone may just be me. I'll just add it to my list of things I want to do, but never will.

I should sell that list to people who have lots of time and money. And I know just how long the commercial should be.

1 comment:

Pagan Lizard said...

So, I was lying in bed the other night, not sleeping because my ankle hurt. Anyhow, I was flipping through the channels and came across 3 infomercials, bare minerals, the blender one and the nifty little bucket cooking thingy mahoochie. (The rotisserie was on as well but since I have one of those collecting dust in the storage, I didn't feel the need to watch that one...) anyhow, the dilemma arose as to what two shows to watch. I can flip back and forth between two but not three! I was so torn! Watch the make up one and see the women go from ugly to airbrushed, or the food ones (which made me hungry)!! What should I watch?? I couldn't decide, it was awful!!!