Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Saving it for later?

I am slightly obsessed with bathrooms. I have spent a large portion of my life in them. Washing myself in them, washing them, having panic attacks in them, recovering from the crash after a manic episode in them, never poo-ing in them (as I, of course, don't do that), they are very versatile rooms; bathrooms.

And when visiting people's homes you should always check out the bathroom. A bathroom can say a lot about a person/group of people. How clean is it? What did they leave out for guests to see/use? I theorize that this what the bathroom owner perceives as "normal". What did they shove under the sink, hoping no one would look? What prescriptions are they on? How many pills could I steal without anyone noticing?

The most interesting thing I ever found in a bathroom was in a bathroom I shared with a former roommate.

He and I had just moved in, all the boxes were piled in what would be the living room, nothing was unpacked, and we were hungry. Lugging those heavy boxes up a flight of stairs was exhausting! (Almost as exhausting as watching him carry them. Which is what I did, instead of helping.) We needed to refuel before unpacking. So we called for Chinese.* The food was delivered, along with 6 sets of disposable chopsticks.** And after finishing his food, my roommate took one chopstick (not a set, just one stick) into the bathroom, placed it on the tank lid of the toilet and walked back into the living room.

I never found out why. I even asked, "Dude, what's up with the lone chopstick on the toilet?" His only response was to stare, blankly, at me. Like I was the mentally handicapped one. And I think a part of me knew that I didn't really want to know.

*When you move to a new neighborhood, one of the first things you do is find the best Chinese restaurant in the area. Taste is not nearly as important as afford-ability and delivery. This makes you seem much more cultured than your loser friends who just order pizza when they're too drunk/high-on-stolen-prescription-drugs-they-found-in-your-bathroom to drive for food.

**Was this a passive-aggressive gesture, implying that we were ordering enough for that many people, or just free utensils for new customers? 

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Mr J recently sent me flowers. It's not our anniversary. It's not my birthday. He's not in trouble, and no one died. He did it JUST BECAUSE.

Just read the note...

He means so much to him. How sweet.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

You must be 18+ years of age to look at this post.

This is my new purse, that I bought at a silent auction at work.

Here is a close up of my purse's nipples. I must work for a really liberal company.

Should I cover them with band-aids? Electric tape? Pasties? Does my purse need a training bra?