Thursday, August 18, 2011

This is really only funny if you work with me...

Everyone knows the story; sweet, innocent and caring Sam.I.Am pressures an unnamed man into sampling green eggs and ham. But is it really as simple as that?


Sam.I.Am was no kind verde-food loving kid. Sam.I.Am isn’t even his real name. It was a nickname given to him by Klaas Bruinsma, the famous Dutch drug lord. Green eggs and ham were code for black tar heroine. Sam.I.Am’s real name was Hans-willem Verver.

Hans-willem/Sam worked for Klaas as a mule, bringing drugs into the United States. But Sam was greedy and craved a higher commission. The kind of commission that could only be earned by selling product.

Unfortunately for Sam, the FBI had their eye on him. They’d heard of his connections, and sent an undercover agent to try and turn Sam. If they could get Sam to snitch on what he knew about Klaas they would be able to bring down the whole operation. The FBI sent in their best agent, Gage Preston O’shea.

It was a tough assignment. Agent O’shea had to keep Sam believing that there was a chance that O’shea would make a large purchase, proving that Sam had what it took to be a big-time dealer. But Agent O’shea also had to chip away the loyalty Sam had with Klaas’ operation.

It took almost 18 months, but Sam finally broke. And with Sam’s testimony and O’shea’s reports of what he had seen Klaas was put behind bars. But at a cost.

Klaas’ trial was extremely high profile, and garnered much publicity. O’shea’s face was plastered on newspapers all over the country. His career as an undercover agent was over. But worse, other member’s of Klaas’ cartel began threatening O’shea’s family. After an arson attempt on the O’shea family home, the FBI chose to put the O’shea family into witness protection.

O’shea and his family were relocated, given different names, and even had cosmetic surgery to disguise themselves.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Mr J doesn't understand how epic of a song this really is...

There's a song my mother use to sing me. According to YouTube, which is the most reputable source I know of, it's called Six Little Ducks. I was drunk and trying to explain why this song is about empowerment. And I'll argue with you even while sober that this is so.

It's a song, about this duck. It's bald. It only has ONE little feather on it's back. (The chorus isn't "But the one little duck with many feathers on his back" it's THE feather. "THE" as in, the only one.) And you know what? He overcame his anxiety, insecurities and GOD DAMMIT HE ROSE UP TO BECOME A LEADER! To quote President Obama, YES WE CAN! But this song was written well before Mr. President even ran for office in his Elementary School. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he was inspired by this song as a little boy....