Wednesday, March 24, 2010


I'm thinking that I need my own cereal brand.

I'm thinking of naming it Scurvy. The bits of cereal would be lime green, and it would turn the milk lemon yellow. If eaten with a glass of orange juice, one could get 10,000% of your suggested vitamin C.

*Photoshopped from a picture loving stolen from

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Friday, March 19, 2010

Vietnam War Barbie

Mattel, the makers of Barbie, have produced many versions of veterinarian dolls over the decades. But why do they insist on labeling her as a "Pet Vet"?

Do marketers fear that consumers will mistake what a "Vet" is? Are parents worrying about their children playing with a doll that, due to traumatic events from the Vietnam War, suffers from flashbacks, guilt, hyper-vigilance, and unpredictable outbursts of anger that prevent Barbie from holding down a job and supporting herself financially? A doll that is forced out to live on the streets, making the therapy and medication she desperately needs that much harder for her to get?!

That seems like discrimination against the disabled to me.

Oh, and Happy Birthday Opera Mom. I bet you can't guess what your birthday present is!

You guessed homeless Barbie? Damn, I suppose you've proved me wrong, you can guess.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

High on life!

Dear Me,

I know that you're still not use to the dang daylight savings time change. However you keep trying to open your car with your office's security badge. You also frequently attempt to unlock the front door of your apartment with your car's electronic key. Your neighbors and co-workers think you're high. Maybe a color coded system is in order?

Love you anyway,

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Completely original post. I totally don't repost this every year with just a few new pictures.

People who don't have to worry about being pinched on St. Patrick's Day.

Charlton Heston
The Matrix family from Reboot! I miss that show....
Even though he's wearing purple, which clashes...
The Incredible Hulk
Jolly Green Giant
Wicked Witch of the West (Elphaba) and anyone who lives in the Emerald City
Godzilla. No one pinches Godzilla.

Michelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello (but not Splinter)

Cthulhu (like you'd try to pinch him if he wasn't green)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I would be so happy, I'd pee.

Dear Hollywood,

I've heard it said that you are out of ideas. I don't really believe that, however I do acknowledge that you've been making a lot of remakes lately. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that. It can be a great way to make money, and there are several remakes that I like better than the original.

That being said, I ask for a favor. I beg, I plead, I implore! Please remake The Last Unicorn. I loved this movie as a small child (Of course I did, I was a girl, and it was about a unicorn, you don't have to be a genius to guess that was going to happen.), and as an adult I don't believe that the great story was given the chance it deserved. Much of the animation was horrible, and holy shit, did they seriously let Mia Farrow sing?!* It's like the original film makers set their creation up for failure. I don't care if it's another animation (and let's be honest, an anime version could be amazing), computer generated, live action, claymation, a mixture of some or all... it could even be in... dare I say it... 3D.

C'mon, make the little girl in all of us, happy.

*Not that Jeff Bridges was much better.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Happy Pi Day Everybody!

Going to the grocery store hungry is usually a bad idea.

Unless is Pi Day! Then it's totally acceptable to buy stacks and stacks of pie. Even if you end up with twelve pies and an odd tray of brownies*, despite the fact that there are only two of you attending the Pi Day party. You may end up eating leftover pie for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next week. But what's wrong with that?

*And who the fuck brought the brownies to my Pi Party?

Saturday, March 13, 2010

While watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles..

Conversation heard from my home between Mr J and me.

Mr J: "What?! This is crazy. A group of super powered heroes couldn't save the world, but four ordinary turtles that know karate can?"

Suicidal Jane: "Does the fact that they know karate make them not-ordinary?"

Mr J: "No, all turtles know karate."