Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I Love You Twinkie - The lost Memorial Day post

I've use to prank call my twin brother, Radio Active Slog. It stemmed from him not being able to tell me that he loves me in public. When I noticed that we couldn't say it, in front of people, I started calling him my "womb mate". And for a year it freaked him out. It really bothered him, every time I'd use the term, he'd get this truly disgusted look on his face. After that fun had worn off, I'm started calling his phone every day, at the same time, and telling him that I love him, and does he love me? Here's a rough transcription of all the phone calls lumped together.
*phone rings. R.A.S. answers*
R.A.S.: Hello?
Me: Hi! Whatcha doin'?
R.A.S.: I'm at a party, what do you want?
Me: I just wanted to tell you that I love you.
R.A.S.: Uh.. okay.
Me: Do you love me?
R.A.S.: Um, yeah, sure.
Me: Really?
R.A.S.: Really.
Me: Then say it.
R.A.S.: Say what?
Me: Say that you love your womb mate.
R.A.S.: Why?
Me: 'Cause if you can't say it, then you don't mean it.
R.A.S.: *sigh* fine. *whispering into the phone* I love you too.
R.A.S.: Did your friends hear you say that?
R.A.S.: Hold on... *sounds of him walking into another room* I love you too.
Me: How much do you love me?
R.A.S.: *monotone* Bunches.
Me: Good, because I was thinking. Remember those 8 months in the womb we spent together? We were so close.. I miss that. We need to bond. So, here's my idea. I talked to this guy who makes really big balloons, canvas ones, like hot air balloons, not latex ones.. anyway, he said that he could make us a big red balloon and fill it with jello! And we could live in it for 8 months, just like the first time.
R.A.S.:.......... what?
Me: Just think of it. All the time to catch up, no contact from the outside world, nothing to distract us, I think it's a great idea, don't you?
R.A.S.: You have got to kidding *nervous chuckle* are you going to make us matching t-shirts for it and everything?
Me: No, no clothes. It has to be as authentic as possible for the best recreation. You're going to have shave your head too.
R.A.S.:....................................
Me: Actually, you're going to have to shave everything. But don't worry, you won't be doing it alone Twinkie.
R.A.S.: Twinkie?
Me: Yeah, like the hostess snack, only it's twin-kie, you're my twin-kie, get it?
R.A.S.: You're really sick, you know that right?!
Me: You mean you don't want to do this?
R.A.S.: NO!
Me: But... but... I found a doctor who's willing to attach umbilical cords, they'll be purely cosmetic but it will add to the experience.
R.A.S.: I'm not doing this you... you... freak!
Me: But, I'm just trying to bring back the closeness we once had. I mean, after all, you won't even tell me that you .... love me anymore.
R.A.S.: Are you high on something?!
At about that point I faked hyperventilating and cried, about how he didn't love me, and I was just trying to show my love for my one and only twin. I filled my entire family in on this joke, so when he went to them, they would look blankly at him ask what he's freaking out about.He joined the Marines on Friday. He goes to boot camp in a few months. I won't be able to pull these kinds of hijinks much longer. And I will miss him.

1 comment:

Pagan Lizard said...

ras will so spectacular in boot camp. he'll be home often and you can road trip tp see him too! i think you're sick and twisted too but it makes me love you that much more. i can't begin to describe how much i'm going to miss you... okay, no emo.