Thursday, August 20, 2009

A rant heard around my house, frequently.

I am about to write about something that could possibly lose the few readers I have.

I prefer the remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory over the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

This isn't to say that I dislike the original. I think it's good watching. Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka is legendary. (Johnny Depp was fantastic too! Even Gene Wilder says so.) But the movie takes forever to get going.

This song, "Cheer Up Charlie", belongs on the cutting room floor. Tim Burton's remake, gets to the fun parts (the factory) much quicker.

I have no issues with the newer portrayal of Charlie Bucket. But, something about the boy who played Charlie Bucket, originally, pisses me off. Even as a small child, watching the movie with my parents, I didn't like him. Was it his too blonde hair? His teeth? Or was it the fact that in the original movie Charlie Bucket broke the rules. Charlie and his grandfather, Joe, drank the fizzy lifting drink, floated around room, were nearly killed by a completely pointless ceiling fan, and had to burp to save their lives. wants me to believe that Charlie shows humility and grace at the end of the movie, redeeming qualities that prove him worthy of Willy Wonka's inheritance. But I am not buying it.

You reading this, may think that I have no taste, and I'm shitting all over your favorite childhood movie. You are entitled to your opinion, and me to mine.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

So true

Quote of my week:

"It's hard to snort cocaine through a nickel."

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Super Strength is Over-rated

Last night Mr J and I were discussing super human powers, and how over-rated super strength is. Because really, if that's your only power, and all your super hero friends had cool powers like flight, telekinesis, or time travel, you'd be pretty jealous. Mr J announced that if he could have any super hero power, he'd like the ability to make any one's asshole bleed instantly. His super hero name would be the Red Anus.

Sounds more like a super villain to me.

Sunday, August 9, 2009


I have never considered my blog appropriate for all ages. I have posted pictures of Barbie porn, dildos with faces and cunnilingus being performed on care bears. But I am not the one to judge if you are old enough, mature enough, or hell, immature enough to read my blog. I won't ever block this blog from people that are under the age of 18 (I censor everything that would force me to) because I trust you.

That being said, I think I should write a disclaimer.

*** This blog is meant for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is probably on purpose, however in a court of law will be denied. Some assembly required. One size fits all. Apply only to affected area. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. May be too intense for some viewers, especially your 15 year old niece. Never mind, she's already scarred for life, huh? Batteries not included. Be kind, rewind. Do not write below this line.

Friday, August 7, 2009

My city is better than yours.

Tonight, on my way home from a friend's party, I saw this driving down the street. And I nearly crashed my car into a light pole.

Picture courtesy of

Once I got home, I immediately googled "Bat mobile in Albuquerque". It does in fact belong to an Albuquerque resident. I LOVE THIS TOWN!

Monday, August 3, 2009

My weekend

This weekend I fixed my wireless router, Pagan Lizard's cell phone network and I tried to solve world hunger. But when I was at the drive thru at Whataburger, some asshole pumped up on steroids thought it would be cool to BLARE HIS MUSIC AND START SCREAMING AT ME, that I decided to just drive away.

I'd already paid, so couldn't afford to buy the world food again. Sorry world, you'll just have to stay hungry.