Saturday, February 26, 2011

And in nine months I'll be born again.

So, you may or may not know that I'm currently on vacation. A group of friends and I have rented a condo in Durango, Colorado. They are spending their days skiing, I am spending my days pampering myself. Yesterday I told you all of my newest love, the bathtub. Today, I had a spa treatment. Things were scrubbed, rubbed, oiled, massaged, and I was promised that once it was all done, I would feel 10 years younger.

They lied.

I feel 26 years younger. Forget having baby soft skin, I have the skin of a fetus! This is the new standard of beauty. I'm extremely sensitive to light, air, contact and my fingernails have fallen off... but I've never looked younger.

Friday, February 25, 2011

I'm going for a world record!

Everyone with writer's block knows how easy it is to claim that you're too busy to write. Work is taking up all of your time. You're training for a marathon. You're focusing all of your energy on constructing an exact replica of Seth Green's character's apartment from the television show "Greg the Bunny". Life happens, and it's easier to make excuses, rather than write. Lazy is comfortable, yet uncomfortable.

So what's my excuse?

I have fallen in love with a bathtub. It's big enough for two people (not that I'm willing to share), and as soon as I can figure out how to stretch my vaginal walls enough, I'm going to make love to it. All of it.