Thursday, January 28, 2010

Free comedy gold

What would happen if a young Mormon, going door-to-door to spread the good word, were to knock on a door of a Jehovah's Witness?

I think that would make a great skit on a comedy show.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Facebook won't let me throw me syphilis at people, I have to settle for sheep.

This year just keeps sucking more and more. And as the vaccumm continues, I keep reminding myself that there are great things in my life. Family, friends, friends I consider family, readers, caponies...

However, if through some freak accident they all went away, I think I would become a super sexy, super evil villain. Since I would be so villainous, I'd use my super sexy and evil-ness to spread syphilis to every hot man and hot woman alive.

Mr J just told me that was hot, and that he'd totally let me give him syphilis. I think he misses the point.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Dreams of Playing Music

I don't think it's a secret, I love radio! I have been known to start fan clubs dedicated to my favorite DJ's and radio personalities, go to radio remotes just to hang with said DJ's, I'm always listening to the radio, singing along with the radio, and frequently when I'm not listening to it, I'm telling friends and family what I just heard on the radio. It's my source for news, weather, gossip, interesting tidbits and occasionally relationship advice**.

That being said, or written would be a more appropriate phrase, I have a recurring dream involving the radio. 

I'm an intern working at a radio station. I'm an intern among many, on my first day, being shown around the radio station building. Our tour is near the end and our guide is about to lead us into the final studio, where a famous radio personality is just wrapping up his show. (The famous personality varies, it's either Bobby Box, or Casey Kasem. I can not stand either one of them, both in the dream and real life. Their voices threaten to make my ear bleed, and give me mono.) Excited to meet a "pro" in the "biz" all of us interns huddle around the door to the studio as it opens. And inside is.... my father. Upon my discovery that my father has been leading a secret life as a radio legend, I ask him why, why has he never told me? All he responds is that he wanted me to make my own way in the radio industry and not to ride on his coat tails. 

So since I keep having this dream, I'm starting to wonder.. what does this mean? Is the fact that my father is representing these two men that I can't stand mean I have "daddy issues"? Since I continue to dream about this, should I peruse a career in radio? Would anyone want to hear my Minnie Mouse voice on the radio? Is my subconsciousness trying to tell me something? Has my father really been leading a double life? If so, why can't I ride his coat tails to success? It's only fair after he's been lying to me for twenty-two years! 

*Tell me your car isn't really just an expensive karaoke machine and I'll call you a liar.
**Though, not always good advice.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Universe looked me square in the eye and said "Fuck you Suicidal Jane"

Today sucked. No specific reasons, just all around, mopey-ucky-suck-i-ness. Then I discovered that the universe was just making me pay for a blessing it was about give me, because I'd open my e-mail and saw this:

I realized that it's in the UK... and I am not. Fuck you too Universe, fuck you too.