Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Ode to Zuppa Toscana




This is the Zuppa Toscana soup from Olive Garden. The picture may not seem that impressive, but this soup is a God in my country. I want to marry this soup. If I could figure out how, I would make love to this soup. Given enough time, I would eat nothing but this soup for hours. This soup is what inspired the Romans to create vomitoria. Just so they could eat the soup until they got sick, puke, and go back to the dinner table and eat more soup. Since I know I someday have to die, I hope that it's because I have drowned in a large vat of this soup. I want an Olympic sized swimming pool full of this soup. Giving the Grim Reaper his chance, I know, but it's worth the risk. I would walk 5000 miles, or buy 5000 miles worth of gas for any one's car, for this soup. If I ever find myself on death row, hours before execution, I want my last meal to be this soup. I wish I could eat nothing but this soup for the rest of my life.

You, reading this, right now. I don't care if you're not hungry, or if you just had this soup for lunch. Go out, right now, and get yourself a bowl of this soup. Preferably a gallon-sized bowl of this soup. This potato-sausage-kale soup is a gift from the heavens, and will bring about world peace. Go eat some. Tell your friends and family to go eat some too. And we'll all be able to get along finally.

I'd like to buy the world a home and furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees, and snow white turtle doves
I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony
I'd like to buy the world a bowl of Zuppa Toscana and keep it company
It's the real thing, Zuppa Toscana is what the world wants today.

1 comment:

Pagan Lizard said...

i'll make sure that you are at least found in a vat of the soup and tell everyone that it was your life long wish...