Monday, June 9, 2008

Being antisocial is hydrating.

I am antisocial. Yes, I have friends, a few chosen few. But in general, I don't interaction with flesh and blood people. Give them a screen name, a crappy self-taken picture and I can be best buds with anyone. But surrounded by a group of strangers out in the real world, I will dutifully ignore them. (Didn't your mother ever teach you, not to talk to strangers?)

And for the most part, ignoring them works well for me. Usually they are doing the same thing to me. It's almost as we are ghost from an alternate dimension and the areas we are both respectively occupying are overlapped universes. But occasionally I end up meeting one of these strangers. (Can you ever really meet a stranger? Because once you meet them, they're not a stranger. Perhaps strange, but not a stranger.)
Once you've met, you become "acquaintances". Not strangers, not friends, but something in between. This is much, much worse in my opinion. You can't ignore an acquaintance. That would be rude. If you see them in the hallway, you have to acknowledge that you see the, that you are aware of their existence. But what if the acquaintance takes your acknowledgement (be it be a nod, a wave, a butt sniff, a smile, a hello, whatever) as an invitation to start a conversation.
Good gawd, why would they do that? You don't know them well enough to talk to them. You don't know how well they will react to all the weird bile that spurts out of your mouth in the form of words, sentences and small talk. What will they say to your question, "Have you seen the ass cannon on YouTube?" Acquaintances are much more dangerous than strangers.
My current solution is this.
A one gallon water bottle. I carry it with me everywhere, making sure to keep it full by refilling it constantly. What to know how it works? Here's an example:
I'm walking through the hallway at work. I see someone I know, just a little, approaching. I wave and immediately take a swig of water.
That way, they don't say a word to me, because my mouth is full and I can't reply. They just return the wave and keep on walking.
Sure it makes me seem like some sort of water obsessed freak. But I'm okay with that. And at least I'm staying hydrated.

3 comments:

Suicidal Jane said...

And in case anyone is wondering, yes, I am already a member of AntiSocialNetworking.uber.com

It's like a support group, but for geeks like me!

Robin said...

So THIS is the reason you dont talk to me at work!! I get it now...

Pagan Lizard said...

robin, didn't you know that? it's amazing that simply by reading someone's blog, you find out all sorts of dirty secrets!