Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Letters to a Marine - 1

While my twin brother is away at Marine boot camp, I'll be writing him weekly letters. Because I share everything with you, I'll also post them on my blog. Enjoy!

Radio Active Slog,

Life without you here has really sucked.

Your cat, Bucky, has lost thirty pounds at least. Quite the accomplishment as she only weighed twenty-one pounds before. She’s so light now, that she floats! She’s torturing the dogs, running along he ceiling where they can’t follow her.

Nameless Dad and your ex-girfriend, Grace, have really bonded while you’ve been gone. Grace has been mourning the death of the unborn children you were going to have together. And Nameless Dad has really been helping her get through it all. They even wear matching veils, made of black lace, to hide their tears of grief.

Speaking of unborn children, Opera Mom got herself knocked up again. It might be Nameless Dad’s, but we’re waiting until June to see what the baby looks like. Opera Mom’s hoping for a girl, Nameless Dad’s hoping for a boy and our brother, Monkey Lord, wants to know if he can eat it. Once you eat fetus, nothing else satisfies the craving.

Monkey Lord, as you know, is still going to school. His new job at Fantasy World is paying for everything, thanks to their tuition reimbursement program. I checked out his routine. I never knew he was so flexible. The cock ring was a little over the top, but to each their own.

Me, I’m still livin’ the dream. Inventing new and interesting ways to shave geese. It’s a niche market, but I have a really good feeling about method #208. I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but method #208 involves cheese and croutons.

I hope you’re having at least a little bit of fun, and enjoying the breeze on your scalp.
Love ya!
Suicidal Jane

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