Friday, February 17, 2012

Mr J took me out of the dating market as a favor to the rest of the WORLD.

Valentine's Day has come and gone, leaving millions of women everywhere pissed at their partners.

But all of this romance has gotten me thinking of all of the things I have learned from my vast experience of dating.

  • Don't date someone just because you like how precisely they apply their eyeliner. Especially if his foundation application is sloppy.
  • If you fantasize about licking the stubble on their head, kissing them is going to be a let down.
  • ALWAYS ask out the "10"s, they have no idea how hot they are, and usually say yes!
  • No one is as ugly as they think they are. You are your own worst critic.
  • If your date's car's backseat is full of "laundry" they are living in that car.
  • Inviting you over to play Yahtzee, is code for booty.
  • If, when asked "How old are you?" your date responses "How old do you want me to be?", your date is not over the age of 17.
  • 99% of your one-night stands think that you two really connected and think that you should immediately get engaged. 80% are already in a relationship with someone else.
  • The worst way to tell a guy that the sex was bad and will not be repeated, is to tell him you think you're a lesbian, immediately after the act, before he's even had a chance to get dressed.
  • Never have a picnic with grocery store-made sushi, you will get sick.
  • The more expensive the flowers, the more likely your date is allergic to them.
  • Trying to scare away your suitor by lying and saying you have a kid, are moving to L.A. to get a job in the porn industry, are in love with your roommate and are allergic to the suitor's body chemistry, will not work. It only make their co-dependent obsession with you STRONGER. Either tell them you want to break up, or marry them and wade in your misery forever. (Either way, they're gonna break your legs.)
May these tips help the singles out there dodge these dating landmines.


Jack said...

Your tips would be very helpful for those who are new in the dating field.You have shared very nice tips...

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african girl said...

Funny but very helpful tips indeed!I will surely remember your tips and share it to my friends specially my bestfriend who haven't experienced having a boyfriend since birth.