No, really, I lost three pounds...

Conversation I had with Mr J after working out, and after waiting for him to get out of the shower so I could shower:

Jane: I just weighed myself, and I lost 3 pounds!

Mr J: That's great hunny!

Jane: I LOST THREE POUNDS!!!

Mr J: Great job!

Jane: I LOST THREE POUNDS!!!!

Mr J: I heard you the first time! Go shower!

Jane: I LOST THREE POUNDS AND THERE'S A SPIDER IN THE BATHROOM!!!!

Mr J: What?!

Jane: I LOST THREE POUNDS AND THERE'S A SPIDER IN THE BATHROOM!!!!

Mr J: Where? Where is it? STOP SCREAMING!

Jane: On the shower curtain, kill it! I lost three pounds.

Mr J: (kills the spider and disposes of the corpse) There, go shower.

Jane: Are you aware that you showered with a spider?

Mr J: I am now.

Jane: Did he molest you? Show me on the doll where the spider touched you.

Mr J: Where did you get a doll? You didn't even leave the bathroom?!

Jane: I have dolls stashed all over the house for emergencies like this.

Mr J: What?

Jane: Quick deflecting. We need to call a specialist. You've just been violated by a spider, we need to get you into counselling immediately.

Mr J: (leaving the room) You're so lucky you're cute.

Jane: I LOST THREE POUNDS!