I'm sending Bruce Willis a helmet.

I am completely insane when it comes to car safety. My screen name may state that I'm suicidal, but I have no desire to die in a car accident. I don't speed, I always use my turn signal, and I drive as if every car around me is trying to hit me. On my drive to work, I often find myself wondering if I should buy a helmet, just in case.

Imagine my horror, when I was watching an episode of Moonlighting, one of my favorite shows of the 80's, and noticed that the two main characters never wear their seat belts.

Cybill Shepherd is crying over her foolishness.

I <3 nerds who do it old school

Steve Wiebe is going to attempt to break the high score world record in Donkey Kong, at E3 this year. 

I would like to know if Steve Wiebe has ever gotten laid.

Is he hoping that the highest score in Donkey Kong will help him score with the ladies?

.....

If he beats it, I'd totally do him. 

Don't judge me.

Winsor Pil-kitties

I try to work out everyday. I try to work out everyday. My current record is nine days in a row. 

That's not the funny part, please stop laughing.

Yesterday, one of the cats, Eve, decided to work out with me. Which would be cute, if it weren't for the fact that she's the skinny cat. The cat that can eat whatever she wants and not gain any weight. She is not my cat. She is Mr. J's cat. But she stretched and curled on the living room floor along with me.

Today, not to be outdone, the other cat worked out with me. Vixen, the sweet cat. The cat with an eating disorder. The cat that eats her feelings. My cat. 

I think it really worked for her too. See the after and the before picture!

After

Before

Serious results!

How to make your own Yoda ears!

May 21^st is Talk Like Yoda Day! And what better way to celebrate than by your wearing your very own Yoda ears!

You will need :

8" x 11" piece of green felt
8" x 11" piece of paper
Scissors
2 green pipe cleaners
Fabric glue
Stapler
Staples
1 writing utensil

Take your piece of paper.

Fold it in half.

Draw the shape below, and cut it out.

Take the cut out, which looks like an over sized sperm and put it aside.

Take your piece of green felt.

Fold it in half.

Take your cut out, place it on top the folded piece of felt, and cut out the shape of the sperm from your felt.

Now you have two green sperm! 

Cut an “x” out of the middle.

Just big enough to fit your ear through.

Notice how the ears just hang limp?

That’s what the pipe cleaners are for!

Curl the pipe cleaners around the ear holes, with the excess pipe cleaner running along the middle of the “sperm’s tail”. One cleaner per sperm.

Use the fabric glue to stick the shaped pipe cleaner to the green felt.

Let it dry.

When that doesn’t work, or you get tired of waiting, use your stapler and staples to staple the pipe cleaner to the green felt.

Now your ears will stay up!

And you can bend and shape them however you want.

Now I have 52 more pairs to make. Anyone willing to help?

Feel free to steal these steps I have written and photographed for you all. Just please give me credit and link back to me.

Mother to da' hood.

I've posted this before. But I couldn't think of a better story to describe how frickin' cool my mom, Opera Mom, really is. 

When I was a little kid, Radio Active Slog (my twin brother) and I once had a hugeargument about cookies. They were chocolate chip, we had a huge plate of them andwe were sharing them. Oh, and they were imaginary.

We got into a fight about the imaginary chocolate chip cookies, because it took me three bites to eat each cookie, while it only took him one. I don't remember who started the fight, and why. Was it that my cookies were bigger? Was it that Radio Active Slog was eating more cookies? I may never know. But the way the story goes is that after hearing my brother and I fighting Opera Mom, our mother, took away the imaginary cookies, and the imaginary plate they were on, threw the imaginary cookies in the trash and put the imaginary plate in the sink to be washed later.

Thanks for not aborting me when you had the chance, Opera Mom, I love you!