I don't care about 99.9999999% of the shit you all post.

When I see my mother, I’m tired of her asking, “did you see my facebook status?” 

No. I don’t stalk your facebook page. I see you on a regular basis. I assume if something important was going on, you’d tell me. In person. Or on the phone. Remember that we have phones?

“You didn’t see the picture of the omelet I made your father?” (My mother looks just like a young James Van Der Beek.)

No. Nor do I care. Why do you?

“Then you didn’t see that your grandmother died, either, did you?”

WHY DIDN’T YOU START WITH THAT?!