A rant heard around my house, frequently.

I am about to write about something that could possibly lose the few readers I have.

I prefer the remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory over the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

This isn't to say that I dislike the original. I think it's good watching. Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka is legendary. (Johnny Depp was fantastic too! Even Gene Wilder says so.) But the movie takes forever to get going.

This song, "Cheer Up Charlie", belongs on the cutting room floor. Tim Burton's remake, gets to the fun parts (the factory) much quicker.

I have no issues with the newer portrayal of Charlie Bucket. But, something about the boy who played Charlie Bucket, originally, pisses me off. Even as a small child, watching the movie with my parents, I didn't like him. Was it his too blonde hair? His teeth? Or was it the fact that in the original movie Charlie Bucket broke the rules. Charlie and his grandfather, Joe, drank the fizzy lifting drink, floated around room, were nearly killed by a completely pointless ceiling fan, and had to burp to save their lives. IMDB.com wants me to believe that Charlie shows humility and grace at the end of the movie, redeeming qualities that prove him worthy of Willy Wonka's inheritance. But I am not buying it.

You reading this, may think that I have no taste, and I'm shitting all over your favorite childhood movie. You are entitled to your opinion, and me to mine.